Surviving the 2020-2021 School Year, Part 6

I spend more time than I’d like hovering around my children, making sure they’re doing what they are supposed to, checking back through assignments on several different apps within their google classrooms. As wonderful as the system is, it can be a little overwhelming and confusing to as a parent, especially if this is your first experience with this.

So how do we teach our children to fish, and not rely so heavily on us?

We have to let go, ‘cut the cord’, as they say. We have to let them figure thing out for themselves. In order to do that, we have to know what the heck is going on ourselves. It’s going to take a little prep work. Yea, I know. You’re busy, tired, stretched in a thousand different directions…but listen – if you can teach your child to fish, you will be LESS busy, LESS tired, and LESS stretched. I thought about telling about my three children, and their different personalities, and how this works on each of them…but you don’t want to hear about my children…this is about you and your offspring.

Read the emails. Watch the videos. Explore their school issued devices and the programs and textbooks they will be using. Attend the board meetings (yep, I do this, at least some of them – virtually, of course), make a list of the logins, passwords, what goes with what class/subject, where to turn for help (aka, teacher or tech support contact info), extra resources, etc. (See this post about organization) This is your prep work…if you can understand and follow it, so can they. Also, this will be your ‘sub list’, meaning that if someone else is in charge of schooling today, they have all the information they need to assist your child. Y’all – our children have grown up with technology literally at their fingertips…THEY CAN DO THIS! If there is something you don’t understand, or can’t access, now is the time to ask for help.

Now, let’s move on to what you can do to make it happen.

Before you implement or allow any consequences, if you haven’t done this before, you’re going to want to have a conversation with your child about what you expect, what you will do for and with them, and what those consequences may be…depending on their age and personality, blind & surprise consequences may just blow up in your face. That’s not what we want to happen. Be clear about your expectations, the expectations of their teachers, and what you expect from them. Remind them, of course, that you are there to support and encourage them. This doesn’t mean that you’re taking a hands off approach.

Make sure that YOU are modeling some of the things you expect from them…this is a tough one for me…I’m a very cluttered, haphazard kind of worker/organizer. This is not what I want to teach my children, no what I want them to do. So, I have to be very deliberate about their school stuff, my work stuff, and our home stuff. Also, make sure that you are respecting any time that you may need to get work or personal tasks completed. And, of course, respect the time set aside for their school work by not interrupting them and keeping the environment as conducive to productivity as you possibly can.

Make sure that YOU are modeling some of the things you expect from them…this is a tough one for me…I’m a very cluttered, haphazard kind of worker/organizer. This is not what I want to teach my children, no what I want them to do. So, I have to be very deliberate about their school stuff, my work stuff, and our home stuff. Also, make sure that you are respecting any time that you may need to get work or personal tasks completed. And, of course, respect the time set aside for their school work by not interrupting them and keeping the environment as conducive to productivity as you possibly can.

Make sure that YOU are modeling some of the things you expect from them…this is a tough one for me…I’m a very cluttered, haphazard kind of worker/organizer. This is not what I want to teach my children, no what I want them to do. So, I have to be very deliberate about their school stuff, my work stuff, and our home stuff. Also, make sure that you are respecting any time that you may need to get work or personal tasks completed. And, of course, respect the time set aside for their school work by not interrupting them and keeping the environment as conducive to productivity as you possibly can.

1. Natural Consequences. Listen, you can’t help them every question on every assignment. This is not what school is about. Of course, if there’s something they don’t understand, you may want to spend some time reteaching concepts, etc, or maybe just doing a problem/question or two with them to get them rolling. The thing is, if we do it all for them, they don’t learn the consequences to their actions. So, what are the natural consequences to them NOT fishing for themselves and being responsible for their own work? That’s going to depend on your child, their age, and your home environment. Natural consequences are not something we create…they are things that happen naturally as a result of our action, or inaction.
   1. If they are expecting you to solve everything, they may spend a lot of time waiting...and have trouble staying focused on their work. This loss of time can result in a loss of downtime, playtime, etc…because bedtime is, generally, pretty consistent, and doesn’t really depend on how much time was spent on school work.
   2. They will expect the same time of assistance from teachers and support staff…meaning that lessons and class time may be less productive and focused…if your children are on a hybrid schedule, like mine, that classtime is extremely valuable.
   3. Your child may have less confidence in their abilities to complete tasks and solve problems. If we are constantly coming to their aide, do we really trust them to figure it out for themselves? Their work does not need to be impeccable. It should be THEIR very best work and effort.
   4. Your house may end up looking like mine…basically, like a tornado hit. It’s not so much that I’m doing those things I’m advising you against, but, unfortunately, our system has had some connectivity issues this week, and that means a little more juggling on our part. Plus, I’ve spent some additional time TEACHING my children how to handle things, and where to go for help if they need it…this, I hope, will make my job easier for the rest of the school year. If not, I may lose it living in total chaos. So, expect a little chaos up front…but it will pull together.
   5. One of my favorite examples of school related natural consequences, though irrelevant this year, is that if you don’t turn in the field trip forms, you don’t go on the field trip. If you forget your lunch, or you don’t have it and you might have to (!!!GASP!!!) eat the cafeteria lunch…
2. Logical Consequences are those that you can create or determine, as the parent, to deal with an action or inaction.
   1. Work not finished? Assignment not completed properly or with good efforts? No game time, no free play, no going out for ice cream? Get up earlier in the morning to finish? You decide.
   2. You were asked to unload the dishwasher and forget? Now the job is yours all week.
   3. Didn’t bring your laundry down? You’ll have to wash that uniform yourself…I’m done for the week…
   4. Grouchy? Disrespectful? Rude? Screen time vanishes.
   5. Chores not finished? No allowance.

None of this is going to happen overnight. Give yourself and your child time to adjust, and time to understand. And, most importantly, the GRACE to be human. Not one of us is a perfect parent…we are only the perfect parent for our child. We’re going to make so many mistakes, and they’re going to love us anyway!

And nothing here is set in stone. These are my general ideas, thoughts, and processes that work for us, and that I’ve seen work for many other parents, whatever your situation may be. Every family looks different, and has a special set of circumstances. You’ll of course want to account for those.

If you’re still having trouble, please reach out for help from a friend, a school counselor, and outside counselor, your child’s teacher, a parent group, your church family…whoever you fell is appropriate. I’d love to help you here, as well, as best I can. If there’s something that you are particularly struggling with and would like to share, please do! Or, if there’s something that is working well in your household, please share that in the comments! You never know who may be blessed by your wisdom.

Thanks for reading, I always love your thoughts and feedback!

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