I’ve been thinking about Pauline Phillips often of late. I imagine it’s because none of us really know quite know how to handle…well…any situation, really. Do you remember her? Perhaps you know her as ‘Dear Abby.’

Don’t you sometimes wish we could just all of her advice on how to handle current ‘circumstances?’ Yes, I know…her daughter, Jeanne Phillips, still writes the column…but, if your my age you know that the writing and advice styles are a little different. Not in a bad way, just different. Here’s a commonly recirculated piece of advice shared in regard to a bright orange dress being worn to a funeral:

It can be very challenging to know what to do with ourselves, our clothing, our hair and makeup. Most men don’t wear suits on a daily basis, many don’t even own a suit. Women generally have at least of couple of black or dark colored dressed or outfits and one dress they can wear to a wedding. Well, that used to be the case…I’m not so sure it really is anymore. Being of a certain ‘maturity’ and growing up in the south, I tend to lean toward ‘traditional’ expectations for funeral and wedding attire.

• Never wear white to a wedding
• Wedding invitations would hint of the color scheme…guests other than immediate family should avoid wearing those colors.
• Never Upstage the bride
• Wear black, or at least dark or muted, and modest attire to a funeral
• Men should wear suits if possible, to both weddings and funerals. If that is not possible, they should dress in their best.
• Accessories, hair styles, and make-up for funerals should be modest and not head turning.
• Accessories, hair styles, and make-up for weddings should be be appropriate to the time, season, etc of the wedding – again, never upstaging the bride…It’s ok to have some fun here, and really get ‘dolled-up’

I could go on…but you get the general idea…

The bottom line is, that sometimes we don’t have much control over what attire and resources are available to us. Sometimes, we have reasons for going ‘outside the lines’ with our stylings for these occasions. As Dear Abby mentioned above, we should always pay more attention to what is in a person’s heart than their outward appearance. I assure you, friend, it will not matter at the end of the day who wore what, when, and where.

My goodness. Let me check myself! I came here to write a quick post about how to wear your hair for two inevitable occasions, and I’ve (as usual), gotten myself off on a tangent…Let’s rein this back in.

I am of the ‘good southern lady’s’ opinion that we should always present ourselves the best we can at church, at weddings, and at funerals. Each of the three calls for very different thoughts, we’ll focus on the funerals for today, as that is, sadly, what inspired this post (more to come, I’m just not ready to bleed that out just yet…). The thing to remember, too, is that we all grieve differently. And for most of us, our hair is the last thing on our minds. It only crosses mine because that’s what I deal with…every day…

Also, I’m speaking more to extended family and friends…immediate family members and others that were extremely close to the individual being mourned…honey, if you’re reading this…listen…I love you so much and feel your hurt. I don’t care if you show up in a polka dot bikini, fur coat and a sombrero. Seriously. Let your people care for you. Let someone help you select clothing and pull your hair back for you, if that’s what you need. Let your self be loved, in whatever way will get you through.

Modest, neat, clean. These three words should be the guiding light for any visitation, memorial service, life celebration, or funeral services (so many things to call it now, and we all have our own experiences and expectations).

• Ensure that hair is clean and brushed/combed/groomed appropriately.
• A modest scarf, hair band, or hat can help if your hair, for whatever reason, is out of control for the day.
• Muted, simple, accessories are best for the occasion. This is is not the day to debut your latest trending accessories.
• Ensure that if you hair is styled, that it will hold. Avoid primping and fussing with your hair as much as possible.

Basically, your hair should go unnoticed. It should be clean & polished enough, while also being styled in a fashion that does not turn heads.

I’ve never actually seen anyone show up to a funeral with the ‘wrong’ hair style…so, if you’ve read this far, we’re probably both way over thinking this. But, maybe that is therapeautic and distracting for you, as it often is for me. If so, let’s take a trip down hair style row:

Some basic styles that you can create for a funeral include the following:

• A low pony tail
• a bun (in whatever position you prefer it)
• A french braid, or other simple braid
• A french twist
• Pulled back or secured with bobby pins
• Pulled back with a modest hairband or scarf

Here is a sampling of simple, modest accessories. Classic Bobby Pins, simple Upins, Dry Shampoo, and Rose Water are always a great tools to have in your hair wardrobe, as there are endless styles that can be created with those. Please let me know if you’d like to see a demo on how to create any of the styles pictured. You’ll also find, below the photo gallery, a video of the styles that got me through two days of public mourning without having to even once think about my hair.

The video below tells a bit more of the story behind the hair…

Many blessings to you and yours, I prayer that you found this post out of curiousity rather than necessity or in search of advice. However, if that is how you landed here, I hope that you found the information that you need. If you need further assistance or advice with this matter, please do let me know what I can do to assist you.

Much Love to you and yours!

Cindi

^{Self proclaimed Godmother of the Messy Bun Mafia.}

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